The Secret to Child Education

Children will always want to be like adults. So if we want them to behave differently, we should first learn to do it ourselves

From the very first days of a child's life, we try to teach them the art of communication. We want children to "play beautifully," so we organize holidays and birthdays for them. We are concerned how to maximize their free time, and we spend considerable resources on educational games and training manuals for them. We are pleased when other adults can appreciate our children's intelligence and good manners. But we often forget that almost every day while children are at school they have to take the exam "for survival" among their peers.

Adults are always ready to meet children halfway, forgive and pity them, whereas in their relationships they have to fight with "fire and sword" for their rights: demand and give in, attack and defend, get used to their peers hostility towards them. And in spite of how much effort we spend to create an oasis for the child's happiness and prosperity, his real life happens outside our house.

There, in the big world, a child immediately has to learn to play according to different rules. He can see that the success and prosperity are earned with a lie, intrigues and brute force. But we ourselves have written these rules. Without taking notice of it, we accustom children to a policy of double standards. Every parent has roughly the same thoughts: "I am ready to do everything for my children to do well. And not just do well, but better than others."

With this "better than others" thinking we are slowly but consistently sawing the bough we sit on. At first children will subconsciously and then consciously adopt the rules of the game. The world is divided into "us" and "them" and if "they" stand in the way of our interests, they immediately become an ‘outlaw'. Outside of "our" law. Needless to say, we can see disastrous results of such an outlook in everyday life.

Is there an alternative? Kabbalah argues that yes, it exists, and by this way the interests of all will be taken into account. This means that regardless of affiliation to a certain group of people on social, national, religious and other grounds, every person is guaranteed respect for his vital interests. This will become not only the letter of the law, written in the constitution, but also inner aspiration of most people.

This is possible provided that everyone without exception follows the rule "anything that you hate, do not do to your friend". Simply by adhering to this rule, life would literally change, for the better, right before our eyes.

And children? Children will always want to be like adults. If we, the adults, begin to behave in another way, children will immediately imitate us. In kindergartens, schools and in the street, new games will appear in which children will learn from each other to live in a world of good. Therefore, the best that we can do for our children is to start with educating ourselves.

Rav Baruch Shalom HaLevi Ashlag

…And what you wrote, that you inform me of the exile in Egypt, I wonder, you need further studying. “And they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage.” Then, “and God knew.” Without the knowledge of God in the exile, redemption would be impossible. Moreover, the knowledge of the exile itself is the reason for the redemption; thus, how can you wish to inform me at the time of redemption?

The truth shows its way, and the grieving one declares his sorrow, and cannot restrain and hide it. Indeed, I feel you all, that within you, today has been replaced with tomorrow, and instead of “now” you say, “later.” There is no cure for that but to strain to understand that error and perversion—that only those who need salvation today are salvaged by the Creator. And those who can wait for tomorrow may obtain their wit after their years, God forbid.

And this came upon you due to your negligence in my request to exert in love of friends, for I have explained to you in every possible manner that this virtue is sufficient to complement for your every deficiency. And if you cannot rise to heaven, I have given you ways on earth; and why have you not added in this work at all?

And besides the great power hidden in this, you should know that there are many sparks of sanctity in each person in the group. When you collect all the sparks of sanctity into one place, as brothers, with love and friendship, you will certainly have a very high level of sanctity…

Religion assumes that the Creator changes His attitude to the person depending on the person’s actions. The science a Kabbalah however states that the Upper Force is invariable, and the actions of a person can in no way affect it. Instead, the person’s actions can change himself. He will be able to perceive the Upper Governance differently, if his own changes are aimed toward greater resemblance. He will be able to perceive the Creator as kind and good. By increasing the difference between his properties (reception) and those of the Creator (bestowal), he will feel the Creator’s attitude as more negative.

There are many expressions in the Kabbalistic texts indicating the invariance of the Creator’s attitude towards the created beings: “I do not change My Name” (“Ani HaVaYA lo Shiniti”), “He is good and bestows goodness upon His creatures, good and bad (“Tov ve Metiv le Raim u le Tovim”), “the Upper Light is absolutely static” (“Ohr Elion Nimzta be Menucha Muchletet”).

Therefore, a prayer is called self-judgment or self-analysis. This is when a person does not appeal to the Creator but judges himself instead and analyzes himself with regards to the Upper invariable force. (See the explanations in the “The Introduction to the Study of the Ten Sefirot” about the path towards the purpose of creation. As the person changes, he corrects himself relative to the invariable and Absolute Creator).

This attitude towards himself and towards the Creator constitutes the difference between Kabbalah and religion. Even though religion calls for certain personal changes, religion is based on pleading with the Creator. In this world religions are similar to the most ancient beliefs, which extensively practice bribing the Upper forces of nature.

Kabbalah is rejected by religions as mass religion is based on the conviction that a person need only ask the Creator and everything will change from above to his advantage as the Creator will turn His face to him. That is, a believer is convinced that the Creator exists and governs everything. In order for anything to improve, one need only ask the Creator instead of changing himself. Religious masses interpret inner changes as performing good deeds, such as helping others out of compassion, but not changing one’s nature and making it similar to the Creator.

A conviction in the change of the Creator’s attitude to the person leads to envy: who is treated by the Creator with greater love and who is more “divinely chosen”. It causes antagonism to arise not only among people, but also between religions. The representatives of various confessions dispute whose prayers the Creator is inclined to answer more willingly.

Kabbalah asserts that the Creator is invariable. In the process of a person’s correction, they deserve to see an improvement in the invariance of the Creator’s attitude. Therefore the more corrected a person is, the more they will justify the Creator’s actions. Kabbalah states that instead of praying one should rather be changing. Consequently, Kabbalah evokes hatred from the religious groups as it indirectly accuses them of hypocrisy.

To better understand the attitude of Kabbalists to the Creator, we can take a look at a Kabbalistic prayer-book. It contains no ordinary words that express human emotions. Instead, it consists of numerous symbols designating spiritual actions that the person should carry out while correcting himself, to consequently receive the Upper light. This is the difference between the notions of a religious God and the Kabbalistic Creator.

The Kabbalistic study of the structure of the universe gives a person a clear idea of the Creator, whose properties are at the very top of the spiritual ladder, and of himself who is at the bottom of this ladder. The rungs of the ladder represent the various worlds. The purpose of creation is to independently ascend and merge one’s desires with those of the Creator.

This ascent involves an inner change of the person’s properties from an egotistical intention in all of his thoughts and desires to an altruistic intention. Man ascends the rungs of the ladder, each one characterizing a degree of similarity to the Creator.

Naturally, studying the structure of the universe in such detail prevents a person from imagining that his relationship with the Creator is dependent on his requests. Imagine a perfect parent in our world. It is obvious that a child can not evoke any additional love for himself by any of his actions as parental love is eternal and perfect. The external projection of this love (the perception of the child) depends solely on the states that a person must go through in order to become acquainted with the whole of creation, to gain experience, and to become equal to the Creator.

From this it follows that even the desirable transformation we can make in ourselves and consequently feel the Creator’s unfailing good attitude to us can in fact be hardly called correction. This is because we must go through all the levels, extreme states, changes, and sensations in order to acquire the experience and ability needed to feel the entire universe from end to end.

Correction only means our attitude towards whatever occurs to us. When, regardless of what happens, we evaluate and accept everything that happens as being absolutely beneficial, this arouses a sensation of happiness and pleasure. This leads to a situation when a person discovers that nothing really changes at all except his attitude towards the constant state he exists in. He was created in this state and has always existed in it.

It goes without saying that the study of Kabbalah provides a concept of creation and of the person’s place in it that naturally deters him from prayer. Yet it is the most important and central act in religious practices and everything else is organized around it.

In this case the wisdom of Kabbalah naturally directs the person towards inner reflection and transformation, which alienates him from performing rituals and following any religious injunctions. That is why all religions oppose Kabbalah, and Judaism leads this opposition.