Group work

I had never liked working as of part  groups or teams, not at school, not at home. No need to say,  my social life was almost non-existent. When with people, I always felt uncomfortable, i didn't know why but I never liked it.

Now I understand the reasons why. I used to feel as if my feelings, emotions and ideas were exposed to the other members. I did not like that feeling. There was always the feel of shame and guilt that I could never explain, I didn't want them to look at it.

As time passed I longed for belonging, I needed to feel part of something but i still couldn't handle to let go of the feelings of shame of guilt which grew bigger and bigger as I grew older.

What I was hiding is not important anymore because it is now gone. The Light took that darkness away, all i had to do was trust It. Today i can say i have found my group, my team.  Since the moment I took the plane I knew I was meeting them. I was not scared of them looking at me, what i was scared of was leaving them, being without them, left alone in the world again.

This group makes me feel like home, I am physically away from them but we all know we are part of it. That is what makes us wake up every morning, our unity. There's no individuals anymore, there's no I, me, or myself… we are just one soul working for our common purpose.

Why was I running away?  I was looking for peace, I was looking for love, I was looking for a place called home. And I used to believe it was something that somebody would give me all of them. How wrong I was, but I didn't know it back then. I was too busy building dreams of a perfect tomorrow, doing nothing with today. 

I finally understood that I don't need to be with someone in a romantic sense to be loved. I  felt, and still feel, so much love from all of us there.

It also allowed me to re-open the channels of receiving love that were if not totally closed, at least getting clogged. my family is the most important thing in my life, and my love for them will fuel me and inspire me to do great. and also the love of the Kli is the biggest battery ever.

If a man comes along, he will be welcomed.

If he doesn't he won't, he won't be missed.

This is what i wrote as the Cover Letter of my resume:

… If we go back to the Babel story, why were languages created? What was their purpose? To cause division, to separate humans so that they could not unite and work in common goals. Languages have served that purpose for many years, but our world and civilization have gotten to a point in history when we need to unify.

…

By learning a foreign language we are able to capture the essence of the speech. We can truly and fully understand

other people and in the same way we are able to express ourselves in ways that our mother tongue may not allow us

to. Understanding and expressing reduce the distance and separation created in Babel, increase unity and make the

world a better place.

It is interesting to point out that as I was relating it to the group The Rav mentioned it during one of his lectures. And the thought kept spinning in my head since he mentioned it up until the moment we left.

I wanted to say something about it on the microphone, but the emotions where too overwhelming. 

We are living proof that what happened in Babel can be reversed.

We broke the barriers of language.

We were able to communicate, and sometimes words were no needed. Just by looking into our eyes we could sense each other.

We broke the barriers of territory.

We came from places far away, and even though we are not sharing the same physical space anymore,  we are still together.

We understood outside the theory what bonding with the neighbor is.

We 'knew' who we were. All the names we have read got out of the screen and hugged us. It was not meeting new people, we were reuniting with our brothers and sisters, yes, brothers and sisters…

we are family.

I have placed before you life and death...and you shall choose life (Deuteronomy 30:19).

How can a lobster grow? After all, its shell is rigid and cannot expand.

When the lobster feels itself compressed within its shell, it retreats to a crevice in one of the underwater rock formations, sheds its shell, and grows a new one. When it outgrows this shell, it repeats the process and continues doing so until it reaches its maximum size.

During the stage when it is without its shell, the lobster is in great danger. A predatory fish may eat it, or a strong current may dash it against a rock. In order to grow, the lobster must risk its very life.

It is impossible to achieve success without risking failure; sometimes life can only be lived by risking death. Since life consists of growth and progress, we must learn to live with risk.

People for whom failure is devastating may never try anything. They will never grow. The greatest failure of all is the failure to grow and to maximize one's potential. This passive failure is even more serious than active failure.

We must develop sufficient courage and self-confidence to not retreat from taking risks (though reasonable ones) in order to progress.

Today I shall ...

... try to increase my feelings of self-worth so that I may be able to accept new challenges without the fear that any failure would destroy me.