Your skin

When horizontal is a mortal sin

From your head to your toes

 

Skin of green moon

Skin of soltude

Skin of love and jealousy

Impossible is a pencil to trace

Or paper to tell on it

Your skin

 

Your skin

Gets me irrational

At times pure control

At times fire in odd lots

 

Your skin

When becomes real

Is the ideal danger to let  myself lost onto it

As i was walking under the rain along the old port their faces striked my mind, they attacked me with memories. A recallection of drama, tension, pain. For each and all of those things I take the blame, it was me who threw them in the middle. Although for the first time I saw them for of what they were. Looking for love is everybody's quest, and I like thinking that we love the way we want to be loved. I love my children the way I wanted our parents to love us, that healed wounds from my childhood. I take care of my friends the way I would like to be taken care of by them, etc.                                                                                                                                                                                                    Why then do I "love" with drama, tension & pain when it comes to a so-called- soulmate? There's the answer... so-called did I say? A need for affection can be so big that it may deviate into a need of attention. Attention from others, not from the 'object of our affection' per se but from the people around us. The 'object of affection' provides the means needed to fufill our victim complex to the outside world.                                                                                                                                                                             That was not love, that was infatuation.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  That is what the rain and the ocean told me yesterday morning.

This time around there is no need for drama or tension because I have peace inside and I project it into him, he does not feel tension because there is no traumas or complex he needs/has to project in me. It is a strange feeling when you are not used to it. I had never felt as comfortable as now.                                                                               Is this love? I don't know, what I know is it is not infatuation.                                                                                                                                                                                                              "...now I find I've changed my  mind, this is my religion."

You who never arrieved

in my arms,  Beloved, who were lost

from the star,

i don't even know what songs

would please you. I have given up trying

to recognize you in the surging wave of the next

moment. All the immense

images in me-the far off, deeply felt landscape,

cities, towers,and bridges, and un-

suspected turns in the path,

and those powerful lands that were once

pulsing with life of the gods--

all rise within me to mean

you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all

the gardens that I have ever gazed at,

longing, An open window

in a country house--, and you almost

stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I cahnced upon,--

you had just walked down them and vanished.

And someimes, in a shop, the mirrors

were still dizzy with your presence and, startled, gave back

my too sudden image. Who knows, perhaps the same

bird echoed through both of us

yesterday, separate, in the evening...

(You who never arrived) Rainer Maria Rilke

I read this article from Rabbi Salomon,  i decided to do my list, you will find it after the extract from his e-mail. Please feel free to lretm e know ant ideas and/or comments about it.

"So, when the reflective mood hits you, and you want to take his seriously, the first step is to take out that yellow pad of paper and write, "My Life List" on it. But be forewarned. You may find this very simple, seemingly trivial task quite difficult. It means that you are embarking on something potentially sublime, and that can be very scary. But the good news is that once this terribly uncomplicated task is accomplished, you've already overcome a major obstacle and you are on your way.

The next step is to write -- just write -- any idea that comes to mind. Don't filter and don't falter -- just write. The ideas may seem silly, impractical, superficial, or out of reach, but this is not the time to sharpen your editing skills. If it strikes you that you might want to shoot pictures at a friend's wedding, buy a high-powered telescope or invite 50 people for Shabbat dinner -- write it down.

After you have compiled this unedited list of your potential life goals, put the list away for at least 24 hours. You need a full day of breathing space before you can return to the job. Now examine the list again with a fine eye and delete the impossible stuff. Imagine that your best friend is reading your list. Which items would he/she immediately declare as undoable? Take only those out.

People who are sincere about using this tool to increase their chances of accomplishing more in life, should take advantage of the opportunity by making a majority of their targets truly meaningful ones.

There may be nothing wrong with becoming a world class sudoku player, learning how to whistle while standing on your head, or memorizing the lyrics to every Lynryd Skynyrd song ever recorded. And perhaps a few of those "less serious" objectives should be included on your list. But primarily, you don't want to "waste" your choices on the frivolous or the mundane.

Take these examples, chosen from actual Life Lists. I guess learning jujitsu has merit, but why would owning a coyote qualify as a goal in life? Alphabetizing my CD collection is probably a functional thing to do, as is learning how to weld, but are they really dreams that must be realized? Some people yearn to floss more often, or to type with ten fingers -- nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but appearing in a Tarzan movie? Or lighting a match with a .22 rifle?

Rosh Hashana is swiftly approaching. It is a time when Jews worldwide seek ways to crown the Almighty as the true king of the Universe. Reflecting on your purpose on this planet and then actualizing your quest to reach that end may just be the greatest way possible to coronate Him.

Tithe your earnings, intensify your prayers, call your folks and your grandparents, keep Kosher for a month, affix a mezuzah to your door, donate blood, attend a lecture series, have a catch with your son once a week, bring soup to Nursing Home residents, make a date with your soul, learn how to say, "I was wrong," -- and practice it, drive with courtesy, smile -- the list could on forever. But we won't go on forever. Maybe now would be a good time to get started.

Forget the igloo and the coyote. You've got important things to do.

Have a wonderful... and productive new year.

(Excert from "My Life List" by Rabbi Salomon)

Now it is my turn:

As I had been thinking on how to word a new post, an episode form “Sex & the City” came to my mind:

Carrie is talked by her friends to see a shrink. There she has to face the fact that what all the men in her life have in common is her. It is not them who have the problem, it is her. While waiting for therapy she meets a very cute guy and they start going out. After a couple of dates they end up in bed, and there she asks him why he goes to therapy and he answers “I lose interest in women after I sleep with them” and asks her “what’s wrong with you.”

Carrie answers: “I pick the wrong men” she turns around hugs a pillow and lights a cigarette.

Today I got this as part of the Kabbalah Center Monthly Newsletter:

Question:
I seem to go from one bad relationship to the next. I put all of my trust in these men and eventually, inevitably, they break my heart – into a million pieces. Now I am terrified of getting into a new relationship. My certainty in men has been shattered. At the same time, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. Any advice?

Coincidence? May be, truth to be told is I need to work on it. My friend Emma and I were talking about it the other day. It is still my weakest point. There must be a huge lesson for me to learn, I can do nothing else but to keep open eyes and learn to, at least, be more careful.

On that thought, will being careful mean not being honest? Will being careful restrict me from feeling? Will being careful restrain my emotions? Will being careful mean playing games? If the answer for at least one of those questions is yes, then I don’t want to be careful. I want to be honest, I want my feelings & emotions to be whatever they are meant to be, I don’t like playing games.

So if you think about it I have no options but too keep on. What can I lose at is point? No one can break my heart… it is already broken. I can only bet on someone to put the pieces together. “I know that, there is someone out there waiting for me” and I also know he will come when the time is right for both of us. He may be a part of my life already, and we still need to work a little more so we can both understand why we are part of our journeys and decide to continue them as one. or else just remember that “the fact that he doesn’t love me the way I love him or the way I want him to love me does not mean he does not love me at all.”

Easy to say, eh? Not so easy to understand.