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August 27 "...the books I've ead, and the things I know...never taught me to let go..."posted by jike on Sep. 14, 2006
"...the books I've read, and the thing I know...never taught me to let go..."To feel, or not to feel. To think, or not to think. Enigma sings:
“It's hard to find the balance when you are in love.
You're lost in the middle because you have to decide between mind & heart. HEART is the engine of your body but BRAIN is the engine of your life.” Do you agree?
I do, totally.
I can’t stop feeling, but I can’t stop thinking either. Romance has never been my department, I always get in trouble… this time has not been the exception. I sometimes let my heart rule, most of the times in fact, that is why I always get hurt. So now, I am not letting my heart take total control, and giving my brain the chance to participate. It thought it would be the best idea, and that I would avoid getting hurt again. Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming others for hurting me. I am blaming myself for that, I take full responsibility.
Thinking is not actually helping, things are even more complicated. Am I not letting myself feel as much as I may? I thought it would be good not putting myself in danger, but at the same time I think what if I lose him for not giving the 100%? Will I get hurt again if I follow my heart? Too complicated, I may just give it all up and avoid it all.
"...to go the extra mile...a better version of myself..."posted by jike on Aug. 19, 2006
"...to go the extra mile...a better veersion of myself..." I am just back home. I am happy, I am blue. My apartment is a mess, I wanna smoke, but I must resist.
Thank you UC Berkeley
Thank you Dr. Jim and Jenny
Thank you Stephen
Thank you Madonna
Thank you Alejandro
Thank you Aldo & John
Thank you Michael
Thank you Amnon
Thank you Light
Thank YOU.
"...round and round just like a circle, I can see a clearer picture..."posted by jike on Aug. 17, 2006
"...round and round just like a circle, I can see a clearer picture..."
I am ready to go back home. This has been the best trip ever, in many aspects. Professionally and academically, I learnt so much. School was really demanding and absorbing, there were times when I wanted to give up, but the Light kept me on track and I followed it. My classes taught me so many things, totally new stuff, new versions of old stuff, and more. I am glad they are over, I am glad I did my best, they taught me how far I can get if I focus and go the extra mile!!!
On the personal level… where should I start… my co-worker and friend Alejandro was also here. We had a good relationship before, but we took it to a very different dimension. We not only shared time and experiences here, but also passages of our past that we had kept hidden, that we could get over. We let them out, we allowed the to get into our lives, to see what most people don’t see. We went the extra mile.
As I mentioned in a previous blog, the main reasons for this trip changed dramatically. Not all of them though, I did get to see Madonna live again, the Light I felt was amazing, we made briefly eye contact a couple of times. That was amazing, there are no words to describe her beauty, her energy, and her strength, power, Light… she always goes the extra mile.
I faced my fears of traveling alone, I learned survival techniques. I let silence into my days and nights, to find out that it is not as scary as I thought it was, in fact I used it to face some of my demons; I forced myself to do it. I took some decisions that led me to not so easy ways, and I forced myself to see things from the bigger picture, not from my narrow selfish vision. It works; believe me, it so works.
About love… that was the hardest one. I learnt what true, pure, unconditional love is. I finally saw it. I saw it reflected on my friends’ 21 year relationship, I saw it when I looked into Aldo’s eyes for the first time in 6 years, I saw it when Alejandro whipped my tears and I whipped his, I saw it when Amnon lay his head on my shoulder as he hugged me goodbye, I see it in my mom’s e-mails, I see it in Mauricio’s and dad’s e-mails too. I finally know what it feels to be loved, what it feels to love without limits and/or labels.
I finally opened up my heart.
"...is it me or you that i am afraid of?...can't bring myself to let you go..."posted by jike on Aug. 15, 2006
" ...is it me or you that I'm afraid of...can't bring myself to let you go..."I love walking, and I do it very fast. I walk fast as if there was something waiting for me at my destination. Even when I walk just for pleasure, I walk fast. Walking fast does not allow me to enjoy the path, to miss some signs, I go so fast, waiting, longing, looking for that something that seems to be waiting for me somewhere, but I never get it. I met someone who tried to teach me to walk slowly, to enjoy the path, to look around and be aware of the surroundings; he tried to hold my hand as we walked… I started walking faster, he kept up with me so I walked faster, he kept up with me, I walked even faster, he kept up with me, I started running he stood up and watched me getting away.
"...but my soul drew back, cover with dust and sin..."posted by jike on Aug. 05, 2006
"...but my soul drew back, cover with dust and sin..."This summer has been quite different of what I had thought it would be. I had three ‘objectives’ for this trip; two of them are now accomplished missions. The other one evaporated even before I left Mexico. And that’s the one that has been hunting me; I know that so much has been said about soul mates lately. But sorry, here I go! I have always felt an immense need to be loved, I have always tried to get people’s attention, sometimes in very bad ways though, and the way I worked for it was not the ideal one. I have a pattern; I always fall for emotionally unavailable people. Why? Easy! Because I am emotionally unavailable! What? How? Why? This is the way it works: I would meet a guy; we would get to know each other. Both of us would be totally head over heels for one another, things would grow, feeling would arouse… fear would appear. And then he would just want to be my friend, my best friend. I would accept to be friends, playing the victim part of course, and pretend that I had moved on. Then he would come back saying having had second thoughts and wanting me ‘back.’ I would obviously say no, I ‘had moved on’ remember! And then it was all so perfect for both of us, I would blame him for not wanting a relationship with me at the beginning, and he would blame me for the same reason. We would walk away feeling used, betrayed, lonely, but the important fact is that we would say that it was HIS fault not MINE. Obviously it was the perfect match, nobody looses in this game, because none of the players take responsibility for their actions. We would blame the other, not me. I have played this game for quite a while, although last time was different. It was worse. It was an online/phone crush with a Kabbalist. Yeah, I thought it was going to be different, I mean, he was a Kabbalist, right? Well, no. My pattern was repeated once again, and the sad part is that I knew it, that I always know it and still play it. Being here for the summer, away from home, from my family and friends I got time for reevaluating things. And this pattern has taken must of my thinking. I am really tired of it. Especially this last time was so emotionally difficult. I decided to give up on the whole soul mate thing and focus on other aspects of my life that need a Light infusion too. Oh yeah, sure, whatever! Somebody came along, but this time the pattern changed roles, it is me the one who is turning back and walking away first.
"...if I only had one wish, love would always feel like this..."posted by jike on Jul. 26, 2006
"...If I only had one wish, love would always feel like this.."On my “… and now I know the reasons why…” post I talked about my friend Aldo. Mystii then said this: “as far as your friend and the love you share...maybe now is your time for "greatness"? The universes converge in odd ways.” She was right, I happened to spend every weekend with them in S.F. I wrote about it too ("...just one kiss, just one touch, just one look, just one love...one." post) but last weekend… was special. And here is where Mystii’s comment fit.
We were alone, it was dangerous… but it was great. I would have never expected it would be as great as it was. We went out for dinner every night, Chinese, Tai, Italian; he took me to the park, to the beach, to SFMoma to see this AMAZING Mathew Barney show, INCREDIBLE! We walked, we talked, we laughed, and it was like there was nothing else but us. I helped him at the gallery, he even cooked Kosher breakfast for me on Shabbat, ain’t that sweet?
Love exists; it manifests itself in very strange ways. On Sunday, when time to say goodbye came, I felt sad, yeah, but I also felt good. I wasn’t sad cause it was over, I was happy because it happened, and no matter what the future has prepared for us, no one can take this weekend away from us. Whenever someone comes our way, we try to place them somewhere in our lives, and those places are usually common places that would never be out of the ordinary, the established. Some people come into our worlds to be extraordinary, in all senses. Don’t close your heart to someone who doesn’t seem to fit into any category, just love that person, and allow yourselves to be loved.
"... I feel it, it's coming..."posted by jike on Jul. 12, 2006
"... I feel it, it's coming..."It is time… I’m leaving… tomorrow… this time… I will be with her. Our Light will shine together within the same room. We will connect, sing, dance, and sweat together until our bodies get to the point of collapsing. I can’t believe it. I am so thrilled. It will be a long trip, but it is gonna be so worth it.
"...just one kiss, just one touch, just one look, just one love...one."posted by jike on Jul. 09, 2006
"...just one kiss, just one touch, just one look, just one love...one."This weekend, I understood what real love is. I spent the weekend with my friend Aldo and his partner John. They have been together for over 20 years now. There are things that I could never understand in their relationship, but seeing them this weekend, spending time with them, talking, and laughing… it made me feel good for them, you know. I mean, we always want our beloved ones to be happy, but on the other hand it made me feel sad about myself. It made me realize I have never had such a special feeling. No one has ever looked at me the way they look at each other. Imagine how hard, big and strong their love is: they’ve own an art galley for almost 16 years, before that each one had a different job. They both gave up personal interests in order to fulfill and pursue a common goal. And it has worked perfectly for them. They have obviously had their ups and downs, I am one of the downs, but they remain together. Not only for comfort or ‘tradition,’ but for love. They know that no matter what they always have each other. They amazed me. They moved me to tears. Tears of joy for them, tears of sorrow for myself. In this story they won, I lost.. They are for me the perfect example of LOVE, it is about trusting, about being honest, with you first of all, and with the other as a consequence, of tolerance of the space and need of your beloved one, respect for what he believes, he thinks, communication that is so big that no words are needed anymore, they can read each other’s mind. I just hope one day to become a good man, and inspire such nice feeling on another man.
"...everybody is looking for something, everybody's stupid stupid..."posted by jike on Jul. 05, 2006
"... everybody's looking for something, everybosy's stupid stupid..."“Peaceful Warrior” I saw the movie kinda advertised on one of the Center’s websites. I immediately went to its own website and watched the previews and all other kinds of information available online. I knew it would not get to Mexican theaters though. I thought I would have to wait until its DVD release. Oh, big surprise when I got to Berkeley and saw it on a theater! I decided it would be my treat for the hard work week I was about to finish, so Friday evening there I was… my first US movie theater experience. If you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for?!?!?!?! It is just beautiful.
The photography is perfect in every single frame; I didn’t even want to blink, so I wouldn’t miss any of it. I was overwhelmed by the beautiful images being projected in front of my eyes. This visual bombarding gives the story much more of a powerful meaning, not that it actually needs more, though. As the story unfolds, we can sense some sort of clichés, which disappear as the actors get us involved within the situations, and lose themselves in amazing performances. The given solutions are not cliché anymore; therefore the story turns original and no-so-predictable.
Over and over I could see, not only myself but most of the people round me, going through the rough game of every day modern life, although not being as lucky as the main character in having a ‘Socrates’ to help us. But the question that popped in my head was don’t we all have it, but prefer to ignore him?
Let’s take a look around, he or she might be right there by our side, he or she might have always been there, maybe we just haven’t been paying attention.
"...I've had so many lives, since i was a child..."posted by jike on Jul. 05, 2006
"... I've had so many lives, since i was a child...""...I've had so many lives, since I was a child. And i realize, how many times I've die..."
July 4th, Independence Day. As I stared outside my window last night, I could see the fireworks from Oakland, San Francisco, and obviously, Berkeley. They were an amazing spectacle, so worth to be seen. And I thought about all the families that gathered around parks, and other civic places to watch the fireworks and celebrate the country’s independence. Then the first day of class came back to my mind. As scared as I was about my classes here, I quietly sat, fully excited though, in my sociology classroom. The teacher came and introduced himself to the class, and then one of the most frightening moments of very semester repeated again…introducing ourselves to the class. I just can’t stand it, I get so nervous, so freaked out, I don’t know. Anyway, this time we had to say our names, where we come from, and what culture we identify with. I thought it was an easy task, so as my classmates introduced themselves, I actually paid attention to them. I mean, my introduction would be “Hi, I’m Jike, J-I-K-E, I’m from Mexico and I identify with the Mexican culture.” It made sense, right? Well, when my turn came, surprisingly enough, my hands were not sweaty, my voice wasn’t shaking, I was cool. I opened my mouth and said “Hi, I’m Jike, J-I-K-E, I’m from Mexico and I don’t identify with any particular culture.” What?!?!?!? Where did that come from?!?!?! Dr. Jim’s, my sociology teacher, face was one of surprise. He asked me how long I had been in the States, I answered, one day. He said, like trying to give me comfort or something, “well, you may not identify with the culture here right now, since you must certainly miss your country and need to get some adjustments to the change.” And then, out of the same place where my previous answer came from, I opened my mouth again and said, “what do you think when you think of Mexico? This time some classmates answered, “tacos, ‘Corona,’ soccer, hot sauce, Cancun, etc.” and I just replied, “I’m a vegetarian, no tacos, no hot sauce. I don’t drink alcohol, no ‘Corona.’ I am gay, no sports.” Besides the surprising element of my responses, the most shocking fact about this self introduction was my lack of fear, I wasn’t even nervous. Quite funny, uh? Anyway the thought of my spontaneous self introduction has been on and off in my head for the last week and so. Not only the fact that it was so spontaneous, but it was totally bold. Am I actually getting to the point of openly expressing my feelings? I hope so. If not, it does give and idea of where my enormous feel of loneliness arises from. Not feeling identified or connected to anything reflects on my non-existing-social-behavior, which obviously leads to my self-isolation. Does all of this make any sense? Therefore, my need of love is self-provoked, right? Am I my own enemy?
"...and now I know the reasons why, time stood still..."posted by jike on Jun. 29, 2006
"...and now I know the reasons why, time stood still..."My first week of classes is over. It was crazy!!! So much reading, so little time. But well, I think I am surviving it, and it will get better. I asked my friend Aldo not to pick me up at the airport. I have no survival techniques whatsoever, so I wanted to put myself on test. And it worked out, and I got to Berkeley safe. I have gone through some minor inconveniences, which I have managed to solve quite well, I guess.
Being here has been not only an academic challenge, but also a personal and spiritual one. I haven’t really talked to anybody, besides a couple of words to my roommate. I have had time to think. And Sunday, during Pride in S.F. and being with Aldo, a very striking idea came to my mind. We hadn’t seen each other for about 6 years, and communication had gotten more and more distant. But the moment we saw each other… it was magic. We did not need words, we just hugged. Memories came back and we laughed our heads off recalling them. But at the same time, it was sad; the idea of him letting ‘us’ get distant and cold hunted us throughout the night. We both knew back then that it was the best thing to do, didn’t we? As the night unfolded we got to talk and after a couple of hours it was as if time had never passed. He is still so handsome, and I love what he does when his hair falls on his face, and the way he pulls it back, it’s like a tic. He kept rubbing my back, padding it, putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked; even hugging me… we even kissed twice, ouch! There is love there, definitely. But, I don’t know, there’s this funny sensation of how great we could have been, but I mean, we are still great but not in the way we could have, I don’t know.
When love is pure and true, it will be there forever, and even though distance and time may seem to have extinguished it, it won’t. Because our souls have found each other and they are not detained by physical time, or space. Even though we are physically apart, our souls find a way to get together, to talk to each other and therefore they stay in touch. That’s why true love never disappears, because it’s always active, because it is so-non-physical, so magnificent and beautiful that it’s out of our control. My point here is to urge you to not let love get cold and distant. If it is true love, and I’m not talking exclusively about romantic love, go for it!!!! Enjoy it, seize it, live it, give it, receive it!!!! Just check out the meditation for Cancer, that’s what it’s all about.
"...just take my hand, get ready to, are you ready?"posted by jike on Jun. 24, 2006
"...just take my hand, get ready to, are you ready?..."It is finally here. I am leaving; after so much waiting, hope, and lately, drama. It was all worth it. I had to grade like 150 tests, and get final grades last nite. I finished classes today, and I had to say goodbye to my coworkers. It was sad but happy at the same time. They were all hugging me and kissing me. I felt really loved, another closed chapter. I cannot express what I feel, I am excited, but at the same time scared. I already called my friend Aldo, he’s picking me up at the airport and then we’re going to Gay Pride. What a great day to get to San Francisco!!! My luggage is ready, my mind is set and my heart is pumping so hard!!!! I know this is going to be a life-changing experience, and I am ready for it. It is gonna be hard to say goodbye to my family and to Mauricio, I’m gonna miss them, especially Mauricio. This past couple of weeks and all their drama and tension helped me to reconsider what I was taking for granted. It is amazing how the Light knows exactly when and how to put us on test. I will never stop wondering with its magnificence. So Berkeley, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Columbus, Lexington, and especially Philly and Madonna, get ready, HERE I GO!!!!!
"...seems like yesterday, I laid down next to your boots and I preayed for your anger to end, Oh, Father I have sinned..."posted by jike on Jun. 23, 2006
"...seems like yesterday, i laid down next to your boots and I prayed......for your anger to end, Oh Father I have sinned..."
I’m not that mucho f a holiday person, but Father’s Day, was at the bottom of my list. My relationship with my dad was extremely bad when I was a kid, we hated each other, dare I say. It got kinda better a couple of years ago, but still not a ‘regular’ father/son one. Last Father’s Day, almost 2 weeks ago, I got to my parents’ house and there he was, watching the soccer game. I said hi, and he just replied. We had brunch and it was then when I gave him his present, and I saw this great smile, not only with his lips, but most impressive in his eyes. The way he looked at me was so touching. I got tears in my eyes; I still get them now that I am recalling it. I gave him a tight hung and a kiss. It felt liberating. Late on, during dinner we were talking about cell phones. Being addicted to tech, I change cell phones every 6 months and therefore I provide cell phones to my family. He said that lots of people love his cell phone, a beautiful white & red nokia fashion, and some people even try to buy it from him. He has been asked where he got it and he said he answered: “my ‘old man’ (me) gave it to me, he always gave me good stuff.’ And I know it is material stuff, and I should not feel that proud of it. But it is his way to show off about me. And it made me feel good. That night when I said goodbye to him I wondered: who can I love this guy I used to HATE so much? I mean, he is my dad, he gave me life, and nobody taught him how to be a father. I am the oldest and he was learning. And learning is always painful, we were our lesson, and we did learn it. That was the role he had to play in my life, and he did it WELL. I now understand it, and I don’t hate him anymore, I love him and thank him for making me the man I am today. Thanx dad!!!!!
"...I ran and I ran, I was looking for me..."posted by jike on Jun. 23, 2006
"...I ran and I ran, I was looking for me..."What a week!!!! So many lessons to learn, so little time. They were all tests, and I think I passed them! After a week of intense ‘negotiation’ with the American Embassy, I finally got an appointment on Wednesday. I had to spend the night there… Mexico City had never been good to me. It was different this time. I was different. I got to hang out with my aunts and uncles; we had fun as we hadn’t had for many, many years. The next morning, I took a looooooong walk through my old neighborhood. I did my Ana Be’cho’ach sitting on a bench in a park in front of my old elementary school. The energy was amazing. I walked, and walked. Memories came back to me, but this time they did not hunt me. They did not hurt. I got a smile on my face as they flowed through my mind. And I understood I am over it all. I am immensely grateful for having the chance to close that circle with my head up high.
I also want to thank Nancelle, Shekkina, Mystii, Shimon, and Jose for the Light and love they sent me throughout this hard time. Your words meant SSSOOO much to me guys, you helped me stay focus.
"...once upon a time, there was a man, and there was a boy..."posted by jike on Jun. 15, 2006
“…once upon a time, there was a man, and there was a boy…”It wasn’t me the one who said ‘I love you’ first
It wasn’t me the one who started sharing prayers
It wasn’t me the one who wondered how his first name would fit in mine
It was me who agreed to ride along
It wasn’t me saying ‘it’s all or nothing with you’
It wasn’t me needing me the most
It wasn’t me promising to never leave me
It was me flying high above
It wasn’t me talking about the future
It wasn’t me imagining our fortune
It wasn’t me picturing our future
It was me planning it alone
It wasn’t me letting doubt getting through my mind
It wasn’t me questioning our love
It wasn’t me walking out the door
It was me falling off
It was me fighting his fear
It was me waiting here
It was me with silence as my new mate
It wasn’t me hiding from me
It is me taking the blame
It is me feeling his guilt
It is me forgotten, left here all alone
It isn’t me using the Light as my excuse
"...should i carry on? will it matter if I'm gone?posted by jike on Jun. 13, 2006
"...should I carry on?, will it matter if I'm gone?..."Nancelle asked me “WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU JUMPED?” I can tell you now. At first it felt amazing, I was full with courage, passion, energy, love… then it started feeling like I was flying. Flying high above the clouds, but guess what? I am no angel, I ain’t got no wings. So I couldn’t fly, what was I to do then? Fall, just fall. And I did fall, and hit the ground like I had never before. And as I am here lying on the floor, just looking up to the sky, seeing how high it is I can’t help but wonder “Should I carry on? Will it matter if I’m gone?”
"...but he gave me, something to remember..."posted by jike on Jun. 11, 2006
"...but he gave me, something to remember..."What a great Shabbat!!! I had never spent so much time alone with my Zohar, it was amazing. I learned so much. But it was not only that, I swallowed my pride and called an old flame, which I had not seen in about 7 months. Our relationship was unfinished; we never broke up, no a fight, not even an argument!!! He just disappeared. I kinda understood, he met the ‘old me’, the ‘beast within’ which is how I call the living entity I used to be. Anyway, I called him last week and told him I was leaving town and I wanted to say goodbye. He agreed. No need to say how nervous, excited, thrilled, terrified I was. I picked him up and we started catching up, it was all good, we were relaxed and nice. Then…he brought it up, why he had left without a trace and how just by being with me again for a very short time he could tell I was a quite different guy. It made me feel really good, I mean, it reinforce me. I am not talking about ego; I’m talking about my soul. People who I see everyday have seen the changes, but since they have participated in them it has not been that notorious. I took him to my apartment, he saw it when I had just moved, and I wanted him to see it now. It is a reflection of the changes, of the place where I am now. He loved it! When I drove him back home I apologized for whatever I had done wrong to him. He invited me to a concert next week, he is a violinist, and it was also really nice. We said goodbye with a very warm hug, and a very sweet kiss. It was sad and joy at the same time. It was a goodbye to what we had before and a welcome to what is ahead of us, but each following a different path.
The circle that needed to be closed turned into a upward spiral, and I felt great.
I could not sleep.
"...ready to jump..."posted by jike on Jun. 04, 2006
"...ready to Jump..."Exactly on Thursday, May 25th, it all started, one week before Shavuot.
a) One of my car’s plates was stolen that night, I freaked out. I got to see lawyers, cops and all that stuff. I was really tense, but there, right there…and angel came and helped me through the whole process.
b) I got an e-mail from someone who, even though having ‘met’ for a very short time, I hade been considering very special to me. It really hurt.
c) I got a call from the bank about one of my credit cards. Apparently I had not paid it on time.
d) The plane ticket for my trip, I’m attending the Summer Sessions at Berkley, had increased about $100.00 USD.
Was that enough? That day I knew what Omer was all about. But I did not give up. I not only kept doing my usual prayers, I went through the Ana Becho’ach at least 6 times a day. It helped me keep track within the Light, never letting Darkness take me in its arms. Mixing feelings (abandonment, despair, loneliness, tension, and desperation) got really close. And, let’s face it, there were moments they got in me, and I let them in consciously, I could get rid of them. I knew I could bear all those obstacles and beat them up.
There was also a lot of thinking involved, why were all those obstacles there? I got the answers. I knew the reason, it was obviously me. I already knew some of the answers, but played fool not to see them, not to take responsibility, it was comfortable.
Then Shavuot came…I did the live stream. I stayed up all night, thinking, praying, and hoping. I meditated through all the answers I had gotten during the previous days. And now I know what I have to do. I got the control; I know what I need to do. I am not only conscious of what needs to be changed, but I know how.
I am ready to jump!
"...it's all an illusion..."posted by jike on May. 14, 2006
"...it's all an illusion..."How can we define a realtionship? Even better… how do we identify the type of relationship we want to have/can achieve with another human being? Although, sometimes the big problem is not to get to identify it, but ‘what for?’
We live in a world full of labels, a world where we HAVE to place ourselves within groups and/or categories so that we can feel that we belong somewhere, and therefore feel secure and protected.
Even when we know the labels are not appropriate at all we follow them and then define, not only the people around us but ourselves as: alternative, rockers, surfers, trendies, yuppies, gay, bi, straight, and thousands of others that derived from them.
Labeling is easy and we do it following external/physical illusions, how fair are we whe nit gets to labeling people?, how much do we base our relationships on the labeling basis?
As if this were not complicated enough, we even get to label feelings whenever we can. This labels make us: friends, lovers, aquaintances, co-workers, sex-buddies, partenrs, ex’s, classmates etc., which helps us to…….?
Filed Under Kabbalah | Personal News | Personal News | Soul Mates | Miscellaneous
"... there are too many questions..."posted by jike on May. 14, 2006"...there are too many questions..."How uncomfortable can the lack of communication get? But at the same time, how necessary is communication?
I do believe it is vital.
And I say ‘up to me’ because I always have to talk/rephrase/update/get/understand EVERYTHING,
which tends to be kinda uncomfortable for everybody else, and...Honestly, even to me lately.
Why’s it so hard for me to let things flow without having to rationalize them?
It may be due to the lack of confidence that our modern society has created, a society where everything seems to have a double meaning. This uncertainty creates chaos within my soul.
The result: Who would like to get close to someone who is always ‘reading between lines?
Personally, I would freak out… but…then… why can’t I help freaking people out?
Filed Under Kabbalah | Personal News | Personal News | Soul Mates | Miscellaneous
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